Connection and Web Rings

The first half of my life, I spent amongst friends almost constantly. I knew a large group of people and was always experiencing something new. That all changed in my thirties when the life I had fell apart. What I’d later understand as my Tower moment: Betrayal to Sovereignty

After my Tower fell, I entered a phase of the Hermit. All my connections started to fade away. I sealed myself off from connection and emotion, viewing people as potential threats.

Thinking about it now, this darkness we fall into after a deep hurt is unfortunately common.

But as I rise from the Tower’s ashes, I don’t feel so vulnerable anymore. People are beginning to seem interesting again. I keep finding myself looking at someone and thinking, “That person looks interesting. I wonder what their story is.”

But…I have lived so long as the Hermit that I no longer know how to connect. In my professional life I have no issue, but I never let conversations venture outside work-related topics.

As soon as I step outside that comfort zone, I freeze up.

Yesterday, a girl who waits tables at a local restaurant I visit was there off work having breakfast. She lit up when she saw me and exclaimed, “Hey! How are you?” I could feel her looking for me to engage, and I replied, “Good, how are you?” Then I went straight back to getting my takeout and leaving.

Afterwards, the interaction kept kicking around in my head. Here I am thinking more and more about wanting to connect with people, and then when the opportunity arises, even if it was just to reply “Good, how are you?”…couldn’t I have given it more attention rather than some off-the-cuff remark and immediately turning away?

Connection arose in another unexpected way yesterday, as if the universe was trying to nudge me.

I found web rings!

Now, anyone who was alive during the 80’s and 90’s probably remembers web rings. They are groups of loosely related sites that all link to each other.

This is from a time before Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and all the rest. A time when people made real personal, quirky sites for themselves.

I started hopping around the web rings, and something amazing happened: I found real people.

These sites are not curated. they are raw expression from real people. Most of them probably barely get any web traffic. But these people are not trying to appease some god-like algorithm or farm likes. they are being authentic, introspective, thinking, and creating.

I suddenly started to feel like I was not alone in the world. I know that is cliché, but on some level I was starting to think no one out there in the ether of the inter-webs cared about just being real anymore.

It felt like everyone just wanted to put out ultra-short form, mindless, ha-ha videos and was almost afraid to really look inside themselves.

Yet here, in the hidden corners of the web, forgotten by social media and search engines, they were here…in all their beautiful, quirky, and sometimes ugly truth.

I didn’t come to some epiphany yesterday and suddenly step out of the Hermit card, ready to go out in the world and start connecting with every person I find interesting. But somehow, after yesterday, I feel like I now know there are still interesting people out in the world. I just need to continue my baby steps out of the shell I had created around myself.

My small adventure into the secret WWW

I found a site called Cabin of Curiosities, seemingly written by a gentleman in France who had a random chance for a small connection with someone at 2AM while riding his bike. He followed through. It was small but meaningful to him. It felt very synchronistic to my own reflections throughout the day about making connections.

I found another site for Matt Reider. Who is he? I have no clue. But he has a large gap in his writing from 2021 to 2022, and he reflected on it and wrote about it. He writes what seem like work-related reflections and gives real thought to his life. A real person actually living life rather than just sleeping through it.